Good Times Gone?

It seems that everything good that was once in my life has left now. I'm not sure there's any way of getting it back. My family, with the exception of my brother, is against me. I was once happy, now I struggle to find contentment. I guess I don't have to write anything lately in my blog, for my mother controls my emotions at the moment, look for yourself. Contentment... what was that?

-Matt

Living Your Life

We must all live our lives a day at a time. There's no other way to do it. Some like to jump way ahead, or many that I know take a step forward, and stop to look over their shoulder at the past. Doing this only lets you move at half-speed into the future. Why should we be scared of what's to come? We've all had bad times, and good times no matter the magnitude of them. We must march forward. There's time to look back and browse at the past when you reach the top of the mountain, or the end of your final destination.

We live, not to die, but to live. I know this sounds a little ludacris, but if you think about it, not too hard though, it's a simple thought. We live to live, to experience things we've never experienced before, to feel every emotion possible. Hurting is sometimes one of these feelings, but remember, you're not the only one suffering. There's others out there standing with you right now.

Don't ever lose sight of the road you are walking on. Wandering off is all too easy in the world we live today, because the road is covered in dust, and we can't see it too well. Think, though, the harder you march and stomp your feet down upon the path, the deeper your footsteps, and the more dust you knock off this great road.

Move forward, and don't look back until you get where you want to be. Those memories will stay. The rewards may not seem to be what you thought them to be. We will never know until we get there.

~Matt

Looking Up

Well it seems that life is looking up somehow. I know that something seriously good is going to happen. I'm not sure exactly what, and I can't place all my hope into it, but after all this fighting, has to do some good. I'll wait, watch and post if anything happens.

I really need a job. I'm not sure what kind of job that I want though. I know that I'm not qualified for most of the job requirements out there, but I think that I could learn something in the computer field and really get to work. I'd like to have a job that I could take with me anywhere and travel (doesn't everyone).

In my lifetime I wanna see Europe. Certain places very far from here. We have so much desirable for other countries, that they are always trying to move over here. On the other hand, many people who've lived here all their lives want nothing more than to visit some place over-seas for a while.

Well I have to make this short today, nothing much to write about.

~Matt

T-Minus 3 Days

Well in three days I shall be 23 years unknowledgable to this world. Seems like the more we live, the more we dont understand. Things were supposed to be different. We were supposed to gain knowledge, but instead we become more confused about the decisions we make and have made thoughout our journey.

Kill my lungs with another drag
Block the light from my eyes
Put my things in a bag
Time to walk in cloud filled skies.

I've walked this confusing road before
I lost myself in my dreams at times
We all wish we could have much more
We're always told to stay in the lines

Do you ever feel alone with company?
Ever feel like you just don't know?
Sometimes wanna bust out from this city,
but you never know which way to go..

I feel all these things with you
emotions overflowing, drowning my mind
everyone has their own expectations too
living up to others should be a crime.

The meaning of life for one, is to live
searching for answers is wasted strife
we'll never keep anything life has to give
For our only gift in the end was life.







Song for the Day
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...


Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

-Matt

Starting Off 2005 (life in general)

I suppose that life as of late, has been as shitty as possible. I've lost a good job, because the owner doesn't know how to run his business. He also thinks that life is a pretty little rose. Lets not talk about my old job anymore.

Sitting around the house with little or no money sucks. I've pretty much tried every single form of entertainment possible, to no avail, I'm still bored. Anger and frustration seem to over-come my calmness, and I find myself burning bridges for no reason. Yesterday I deleted about half of my messenger lists because I got frustrated they weren't online. Maybe that was the reason, or maybe it was because I stopped caring. Could be a problem for me.

I've been working on my "rusty" relationship skills. I'm really not sure if it's working or not. I tend to frustrate easy (see above) and my attention span is that of a fly. I cannot sit in one spot around the house to pay attention to a move, more-less another person.

Lets me just hope that things will get better soon in 2005. Until then, happy reading my bull-shit story.

~Matt